Clarity

Exactly one year ago today, I was traveling from Houston, Texas to San Pedro Sula Honduras for the second time in my life, and for the first time ever, sola. As I look back on that day I remember being terrified of getting lost in the airport/Honduras, excited for an adventure unlike any I had ever experienced before, and most of all I remember feeling overwhelmed with a peace that surpassed all understanding. The entire trip I felt as though Jesus Himself was walking right beside me.

That day I had no idea what I was getting myself into, or rather what the Father was leading me into. Of all the things that were running through my head I never would have guessed that exactly one year later I would be traveling once again, only from my new home in Honduras to my old one in the United States of America. My whole life, I have begged the Lord to give me clarity on what I should do with my life, I have always wanted to know exactly what God is intending to do with me. Now, I wonder, if I had known a year ago where I would be today, if I would have even gotten on the plane to Honduras for my 6 week internship last summer. I wonder, if I would have known that this would be my new life, away from all that feels normal and comfortable, if I still would have followed His voice. I want to tell myself, of course you would have! But honestly, I just don’t know. Today I am thankful that the Lord reveals everything to us in His perfect time. When I hunger to know what the future holds, I have to remind myself that I can only handle what he has laid in front of me at this very moment, the rest, well that’s His business and we all know things will turn out much better if He is in control and not I. Two years ago, on my first trip to Honduras, I was discussing my future with my boss Robin (before she was my boss) and I mentioned that I just wanted clarity from the Lord. She responded with this story from Mother Teresa:

When the brilliant ethicist John Kavanaugh went to work for 3 months at “the house of the dying” in Calcutta, he was seeking a clear answer as to how best to spend the rest of his life. On the first morning there he met Mother Teresa. She asked, “And what can I do for you?” Kavanaugh asked her to pray for him.
“What do you want me to pray for?” she asked. He voiced the request that he had borne thousands of miles from the United States. “Pray that I have clarity.”
She said firmly, “No, I will not do that.” When he asked her why, she said, “Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of.” When Kavanaugh commented that she always seemed to have the clarity he longed for, she laughed and said, “I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you will trust God.”

I don’t think I understood the power of this story until recently. I think as North Americans we sometimes feel, maybe subconsciously, that we have a right to many things including the right to know where we are going in life. However if we were given the opportunity to know what the future holds then there would be no need for trust in the God who already knows  and has designed the paths of each of our lives. I am so grateful I have to trust and lean on Him. If I hadn’t, I might not be in the middle of His will for my life enjoying His blessings each and every day.  With these thoughts, I look forward to the uncertainty of tomorrow and to trusting that everything will always turn out for the good for those who love Him.

“He will not let your foot be moved, He that keeps you will not slumber” – Psalms 121:3

Be blessed today amidst the uncertainty!